5 Steps to Kicks Fear of Failure’s butt.

In business we have so many emotions and factors that drive us or slow us down from day to day or even minute to minute. Today I want to talk about a specific emotional driver – fear. Specifically, fear of failure.

Some people are motivated by fear. It gets them moving, taking action, making changes.
But for others, fear can stop them in their tracks.

Fear of Failure is one of the most common reasons I hear from people who have hit a block in their business.
Thinking about this recently inspired me to take stock on what fears I hold and how they’ve impacted my business journey.

I think a lot of people who I come into contact with think I don’t suffer from fear of failure, or comparisonitis or imposter syndrome.

But I do.

I talk to my students about not comparing ourselves to other peoples’ show reels. But it’s hard when I think we are hard wired to compare ourselves to others and that’s all we are seeing.

So I looked at my business journey and I checked in on what was going on when things didn’t quite work out. And the most obvious cases for me were when I went into partnerships with other people.

I’ve done this twice with Virtually Yours and I’ve explored other group partnerships once or twice.

They just didn’t work.

But why?

If I’m really honest with myself, it was because of my own fear. My fear of failure, my fear of not being good enough.

And when I have those fears and let them control me, my performance is reduced. I’m less energized and excited and I start to make mistakes. I stumble. I start to feel guilty about my own performance and things spiral from there.

I can’t look back and blame those partnership failures on anyone but myself. And I don’t berate myself over it – because there’s no point. But I’d be an idiot not to learn from it.

Since the last partnership I have avoided any kind of partnership like the plague.

However, what I do often do is work alongside people in ways that I feel comfortable in, that don’t put me under so much pressure that I fall over. But not ‘partnerships’.

That’s a strategy.

But is it a good one?

Is it avoidance? Or is it learning?

I think it’s a bit of both.

Tony Robbins talks about how people will do more to avoid pain than to gain pleasure. If I had an amazing partnership which allowed me to reach more people and impact more people that would be a huge pleasure.

But I fear the pain. The pain of having to step up more, of being more accountable. Of having to show up more and it not always being on my terms. And the pain of seeing my ideas implemented by someone else when they said they wouldn’t. Trust is not easy to maintain, it seems.

These fears can stop people from marketing their business, from following up leads or from bringing on contractors to help them.

Frankly it’s a pain in the butt.

When I think about that kind of fear, I almost instantly picture a little nasty person on my shoulder called the itty bitty shitty committee (IBSC). A wonderful coach, Diana Pettie, introduced me to this little devil and gave it a name. So with a name, like Rumpelstiltskin, I have more power over it. I can tell it to bugger off.

The IBSC tells you it wont work. It tells you why you’ll fail and how dumb you’ll look.

I think avoidance is all about shutting up the IBSC instead of taking control back.

So what can we do to take control back?

1. Let’s start with self-talk. The way we talk to ourselves. Don’t mistake the IBSC words for your own words. They are the words of doubt and shame. You know better than that. You know you ARE better than that.
   Talk to yourself with love and compassion.

2. And while you’re doing that, look at the big picture. Your “big why”. You need to look beyond the fear of right now and see where you could be. Use that to plan each step and get inspired to actually take them.
3. Always remember that mistakes are opportunities. If I take the wrong road when I’m travelling in my car or walking I figure there was a reason – maybe a great roadside junk pile is up ahead – or a beautiful bird or tree – or maybe someone needs me – or maybe it was to stop me from being hit by another car. I look (usually) at what the good of it could be, not the pain of it being the wrong road. In business if you take that same line of thinking, you will enjoy the journey more and fear less.
4. You need to also consider the worst-case scenario. And really, compare it to the daily life of someone living in a war-torn country and get a grip. What’s the worst that can happen? Temporary embarrassment? Loss of money? What does that mean to you? What’s the contingency plan to deal with that?
   We joke around here about the line ‘But Did you die?’

5. Fear is nothing to be taken lightly. For some people it’s crippling and may stem from past trauma or conditioning. If that’s the case for you – make sure you get help. You don’t have to live like that.
   The world is out there for you to explore and enjoy – don’t let fear stand in your way any longer. There are some great support programs out there these days you can tap into including online counselors, beyond blue or a local counselor.
   Alternatively, you may simply find a mentoring session or two can help you shift your thinking.

Fear can hold you back. You might think it’s keeping you ‘safe’.

But fear it can also inspire change, change to make things better in the long run. Fear is most crippling in the here and now – so knowing what your big picture is, is vital. You need to be able to see WHY you would conquer the fear. What the pleasure is that you will gain once you step past it.

So please, be kind to yourself and each other. Seek your big why. Look for opportunities and seek help when needed.

I hope you have an awesome day and I’ll catch you next time here at Virtually Yours!